Remember when we were kids? Two brave souls wandering around the playground in search of trouble. We would play house, you and I were both moms, ones that happened to love each other very much. Remember the first time we kissed? A stupid middle school game of spin the bottle which ended with you kissing the corner of my mouth before running into the bedroom, clearly embarrassed about the action you took. I remember waiting outside the door, talking to you through the cheap wood, soothing your fears that our friendship would be ruined. Nothing could ever separate you and I. Do you remember ninth grade homecoming? I asked you to dance and among to glaring faces of our peers as we kissed under the fake stars student government hung up? Do you remember the end of tenth grade, when you fell asleep on me during the field trip? You held my hand as you slept, and when you shivered, I gave you my sweatshirt (which you have yet to return) Remember senior year, prom, when we danced to the same song as freshman year, this time sharing a kiss away from the prying eyes of others, outside, under the real night sky? I do, and I think about the way you slid a hand down the side of my face, the fake nails your mother forced you to get scratching the surface of my skin. Do you remember the week you left for college? We drove across the country and I helped you unpack. You pushed me into the XL twin bed and instead of unpacking your bags we unpacked what these last few years has meant to us. Do you still remember me now? After the accident that pulled me away from you, a drunk driver who was hurrying home before his wife knew he had disappeared. I pushed you out of the way, for I could never brave a life without you. I had proposed to you that night, you had said yes and we were on our way to celebrate with dinner at your favorite restaurant. Do you remember the last thing I said to you? Your usually calm composure was breaking, so I don’t know if you heard what I said, so here it is. For as long as the stars can shine in the night sky, I will love you. I will love you till the end of forever, and even when forever has gone my love for you will still live on. I am with you always, helping you the way you’ve helped me. I love you and no one can take that away from me.

Oh gosh, why did I have to fall for you? Falling in love complicates things more than I’d like to admit. You never leave my mind, you are stuck there like cheeto dust on fingers. Even after washing you stay there as a faint orange shadow, a reminder that I can never be rid of you. I love you, even when we tend to disagree, you are always somehow able to get me on your side and I hate it. I tried to hate you, but I can’t, it’s like cursing out a puppy. And the look in your eyes made me cry a thousand tears. Your hands are always soft, yet cold. They were made for mine (which are always warm). I hate it when you shove cold fingers under my shirt, but I would suffer through the breeze a thousand times if the way I jump makes you laugh. Your hugs are addictive. You fit perfectly into my arms, and when you nuzzle into my neck I die a thousand times. The way you move your hair behind your ear makes me smile, and when your hair falls in front of your face it takes all of my willpower to not move it back to its place behind your ear. I want you to notice me in the way that I do you. I wish you love me the same way I do you but I know its impossible. I want to be able to move on from you but all I can do is wait. You move at 60 miles per hour while I try to keep up at 30. I want to keep you in my life for as long as possible, even if I end up watching from the sidelines.

We recently brushed hands in class today and I swore I felt something. Maybe the electrical current that runs through your body slipped into mine, or maybe I’m just delusional. I know I didn’t imagine our fingers intertwine, that much was real, right? I can’t stand the thought of not being around you, even though I’m sure you are doing just fine. As I live in my head, over analyzing every single conversation and run in we’ve had with each other, you sit there, not worrying about mean or anything else because you don’t see it.

You may have perfect vision, but gosh you are so blind. I am sure that I am gushing every time I’m near you. Do you not catch the longing glances I give you during class? Or finding every excuse known to man just to ‘casually’ touch you? Whether it be a hug or an accidental brush of hands. Sometimes I feel like I may be too obvious, I laugh way too hard at jokes that aren’t funny. I walk with you to your class regardless if mine is on the other side of the school.

I know we’re just friends, but I want to be so much more than just that. I want to be the shoulder that you cry on after getting a bad grade on a test. I want to call you things like Pretty Girl, beautiful, my love, and darling just so I can see you blush. I want to shower you in affection, spill my heart out to you in love letters that I causally leave in your locker. I want you to know that I would do anything and everything I could to make you smile. Oh gosh, what I would do to see you smile. I’ve made it my life goal to make you laugh at least once every day that I have the privilege of seeing you.

I’ve never felt like this with anyone and I want you to know that you’re special. Not only to me, but to everyone you’ve ever come into contact with. You are the girl that people will always remember. Earth was created to destroy people like you, ones that are too kind and too sweet. Despite everything being built against you, you somehow managed to come out unscathed. I applaud you for that.

Now I must cut myself short, or I shall keep rambling on about how much you mean to me. My heart aches at the sight of you but all I can ask is that you do what’s best for you. As long as I can see that pretty smile one more time, I know I will be alright.

She’s been blinded by rose tinted glasses,

Their soft pink hue distracts her from what’s true.

Though the boy she loves is very attractive,

He was a virus more deadly than the flu.

She didn’t care, she thought she was immune.

For she had also been a heartbreaker,

A good one at that, so his games weren’t new,

But she didn’t expect him to break her.

She sat alone crying cause he played her,

She had lost the one game she was good at,

He had finished his one task, he made her

Realize that she could also fall for the act.

Even the heartbreakers can be heartbroken,

It takes time but trust me, they will reach their end.

She knew the power that she possessed.

Born under the moonlight, the stars wailed in her distress.

She was intoxicating, no human could resist her charm.

She knew this, and with her power, she caused people harm.

She was the worst drugs all combined into one.

And once you took her in, she seemed lots of fun.

That’s when her games began to pull you in,

But this game, she knew you could never win.

She was beauty, beyond anything of this earth,

She was sin in all definitions of the word.

She was a deity, sent by Aphrodite,

Here to trick us, to punish me.

She’s the queen of broken hearts.

With a crown made of past lovers tears.

She’s a heartbreaker, a good one at that.

With a heart made of stone, and skin made of glass.

Deep down she’s just as broken,

But she doesn’t realise it.

Her ability to love has been lost in time,

So she insteads focuses on on taking others people’s love and calling it mine.

-Jhene (2019)

Warm hands holding on to a cold railing,

Makes you feel like walking on ice,

Is so much harder than ice skating.

When you fall, you get back up no matter what,

But what if this fall was worse?

And instead of ice skating it was the top of a building.

And there was no railing, but you fell anyways.

Sometimes you can’t even feel yourself fall

Falling is usually subtle at first,

The wind in you hair,

The rushing of something is the only thing you can hear.

How you fall is the real mystery.

Is it all at once? Does it take time?

Falling for people, now that’s the worst crime.

Falling in love, is like falling from a building.

If you’re lucky the person will love you back, and they will catch you.

If not, you will fall, and getting back up is always the issue.

Sometimes we fall and with it we break.

And everytime after when we fall,

Our skin turns into glass,

And we pick ourselves up, and glue ourselves back.

The glass will never be whole though,

And a part of us knows that.

But we try again anyways,

And we get our hearts broken again and again.

Till we can’t get up, and we’ve run out of glue.

That’s when we’ve truly fallen.

Falling is never fun, especially when you’ve never been catched.

You’d rather walk on ice,

Tip toe around the tall building,

The fear of falling and breaking,

Is greater than the chance to have feelings.

-Jhene (2019)

I’ve been thinking about you a lot. My heart rate increases just thinking about you, and I can’t

help but to daydream about the next time we make eye contact. I’m intoxicated by you. I think about seeing your smile when I should be thinking about that test I have next period, but I can’t. The only chemistry I can comprehend is what I feel between us. You are keeping me in one piece in a place where I’m being pulled apart. I force my arms by my side because if I didn’t my hands would magically find their way to your hair just so they could feel the softness. I can’t help it. I usually blurt out sentences but around you I hold my tongue. Your laugh is contagious and I would do anything to hear it every second of every day. You turn me into a hopeless romantic and I want to do all of the cliche couple things with you. Can you imagine? You and me, standing in the cold of the dark zoo, waiting for the light show to start. Me getting cold and huddling next to you for warmth, us both in insulated jackets, still cold. You pulling my beanie further down on my head as I adjust your scarf. Us walking together and seeing all the lights, making memories that we would one day tell our children. And at the end of the night, we would get hot chocolate while sitting in the warm confines of your car, joking about the cold weather, swearing to never do this again. When, in fact, we would do it again in a heartbeat if it meant spending time with each other. I dream about this imaginary life with you so much it’s starting to feel real, which will only make your rejection that much more painful. I know it’s not your fault, when I fall, I fall hard. I can see the pavement steadily approaching. After I confess, you’ll slowly stop talking to me, That’s after I’ve made the jump. Then you’ll tell me that we can’t be friends, the distance from the ground is approaching fast. Then you’ll either ignore me completely or you’ll find someone else. That when I’ll make contact, my body crushed and broken to the point of no return. Then I’ll slowly build myself back up but a part of me will be missing, and it will always be. Everytime that I have put myself back together, I am always missing a small part, soon, I will have nothing left. Years or mending and crushing will take its toll and I will be no more. One day I’ll jump and it’ll be the last time, no more coming back.

You are constantly on my mind, making it hard for me to focus on anything else. You make it race with thoughts after every conversation or interaction we have. I find it easier to hate myself through memories of you. I guess it’s been so long since I’ve had a good positive image of myself that I find it easier to create the appearance of someone I’m not in order to feel comfortable around you. I rarely tell anyone this, but I feel like I can trust you. And I don’t know what I want, but I know that all I want is you.

My sweet,

I will love you for as long as the sun shines in the sky, I have no worries when I’m with you, and I seldom think of life without you. You are my rock, you pull me out of the clouds and you aren’t afraid of a challenge, even when that challenge is me. I’m sorry for being distant lately, but I can’t seem to shake this feeling. It was not my idea, she came onto me but, it felt wrong to stop it. I love you, but my connection to her is, intoxicating. I love you, you are my beacon shining through dense fog. But. I can’t be with you, at least not now. And don’t hate me, don’t crumple this piece of paper because I love you. You own my heart. And I will come back. I will always come back to you, My beloved, I love you.

My Love,

I dream about you constantly. Our hands clasped together, you smiling at me. When I’m around you I feel lighter, like your helium and I’m the balloon. The parts of me that are broken, are fixed instantly when you smile. I can finally breathe, and the air has never tasted better. I love you more and more each day. I love that you are just as broken as me. My beloved, I love you.